Sex: 70 Things Every Man Needs to Know
Excerpted from Pastoring Men, Moody Publishers.
You can reasonably assume that most of your men are biblically naïve about their sexuality. Teach your men about sex as a gift, about sexual temptation, and sexual immorality (adultery, premarital relations, lust, and pornography). Research reveals that at least 50 percent of churched men have a major struggle with pornography. Teach your teenaged men about the purpose and meaning of sex.
The best teaching on the sexual duty is 1 Corinthians 7:1-7, and 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 presents a clear teaching on sexual immorality.
Remind your men that sexual pleasure is a beautiful gift from God for married couples. Biblically speaking, sex is good! We, men, have a sexual drive altogether different from our wives. We want sex right now, and then on to the next project. Our wives, however, want to enjoy sexual intimacy as a by product of a deeper love relationship built on the foundation of regular conversation, meaningful time together, and small kindnesses done throughout the week, such as holding the door, clearing the dinner table, and mutual help.
Also, our wives love to be touched–quick hugs, long embraces, pats on the arms or shoulders, squeezing her knee or hand, putting your arm around her shoulder, walking through the mall holding hands, kisses, and sitting on the sofa close enough to touch when you watch TV.
A major problem develops when a husband makes physical demands on his wife without making emotional investments in return, such as nonsexual touches and meaningful conversations. Here are a few suggestions to offer your men:
- Touch (nonsexual) and kiss your wife every day.
- Talk to her about her day; tell her about yours. Be intentional about it.
- Set a time to talk with your wife about your sexual relationship. (The more awkward this seems to you, the longer you have probably put off what should be done regularly.) Just do it.
For your single men, assure them that the Bible teaches that sex is an altogether good thing. Sex is one of God’s greatest gifts to the human race when it is used according to His plan. God created sex for two purposes: to make babies and for a married couple to enjoy physical intimacy with each other.
St. Augustine wrote that everything bad is a corruption of something that was originally meant to be good. When sex is used outside of God’s plan, a lot of things can and do go wrong. This includes developing sexually transmitted diseases (some of which are incurable; approximately one of every three adults has an incurable STD), infertility, cervical cancer, and AIDS. Add to that a loss of reputation, depression, discipline from God, and pregnancy out of marriage, and we can understand why we should guard our sexuality for marriage.
Actually God does not put limits on sex. He puts limits on sexual immorality.
Here are some special suggestions for teenage boys in the church. Since sex is for propagating the human race, women get pregnant–and they don’t have to be married or over twenty-one. Many families know the pain caused by teen pregnancy. God can redeem it, but I’m old enough to have seen it create a lot of sadness. Often an unplanned pregnancy defines who people become–even in my own extended family. Either you, the youth pastor, or a staff counselor need to make sure teenaged boys understand the consequences of unexpected teenage pregnancy–consequences that affect the guy and the girl as well as their parents. Remind your young men and women that the number one reason God has guidelines for human sexuality is that sex works very well for its principal purpose–making babies. (For a list of the overwhelming decisions that must be addressed by an unexpected teen pregnancy, read Chapters 8 and 9 “Sex” and “Dating” in The Young Man in the Mirror, a portion of which is excerpted here.)
Great Quote: “Keeping to one woman is a small price for so much as seeing one woman,” G. K. Chesterton in Orthodoxy.
For More: Go to www.pastoringmen.com and click on “56. Sex” to 1) read Patrick Morley’s, What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men, a free downloadable book; (2) watch or listen to the Sex and the Man in the Mirror series.
#437 © 2011. Patrick Morley. All rights reserved. This article may be reproduced for non-commercial ministry purposes with proper attribution.