Do You Care? I Hope I’m Wrong, But I Doubt It
It’s painful to say this, but after working in men’s evangelism and discipleship for four decades, it’s clear to me that most men don’t care what happens to other men.
Perhaps they care in theory. But not in practice.
I am guided to this conclusion by something Andrew Carnegie once said: “The older I get the less I listen to what people say, I just watch what they do.”
I offer this as an indictment of Christian men. I apologize if you are one of the few faithful men who care enough about other men to help them become disciples.
For the rest of you, you should be ashamed of yourselves. In your neighborhood, on the job, at the gym – men’s lives are falling apart and they’re dragging their families down with them.
And this, while you become more and more spiritually obese at your little “feel good about me” Bible studies and church services.
Sometimes you need a hug, but sometimes you need a kick in the pants. This is your kick in the pants.
Most of you are more upset over your favorite team losing a game they were never supposed to win than over a dozen men who abandon their families.
When are you going to do something about it? When are you going to stop waiting for someone else to help these men and their families?
Wake up. If you don’t do it, who do you think will? It takes a man to teach a man how to be a man.
“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2).
“Disciples making disciples” is the only plan. In fact, disciples not making disciples is an oxymoron.
If you have tasted Christ, been saved by His gospel, fed by His Word, built up in your faith, and blessed by His grace, then isn’t it about time to obey His command to go make disciples?
You’re it. No one else is coming. There is no alternative rescue mission on the drawing board. No elite, black ops commandos about to swoop in to save the day. Just you.
I’ve heard all the high-sounding excuses. I just can’t bear to listen to any more of your good intentions. I’m only going to listen to what I see you actually doing.
And by the way, I think the Lord Jesus is using the same approach with you.
“But I really do care. I just don’t know what to do.”
Please don’t tell me that you care. I’m calling your bluff. Show me. Better, show Jesus. Like the good Samaritan, loving your neighbor is something you do, not something you say.
And please don’t tell me you don’t know what to do. If you’re smart enough to draw a paycheck you know what needs to be done. It’s just not that hard.
Discipleship is simply one man caring enough about another man to help him build a relationship with God, a worldview that’s biblical, and a lifestyle worthy of Christ.
So what can you do? How can you be that faithful disciple-making man?
Let’s get practical. You can start by asking a man if he’d like to have a cup of coffee. Ask him about his family. Ask him about his work. Say, “Tell me about your relationship with God.”
Do that. Then follow the conversation wherever it leads.
Just take a man as far as he wants to go toward Jesus at that particular moment.
God is not holding you accountable to produce a particular outcome. But he is expecting you to be faithful.
Do you care – really – what happens to other men and their families?
I hope I am wrong, but I doubt it.
If you do care, prove it.
You will have your answer a week from today – more than enough time to identify a man who needs help.
And so will Jesus.
Until we reach every man…
Pat
Wow you should pretty upset about something Mr. Morley! Hi. I am Ricardo Butler. I found your blog today. You actually favorite a tweet I put out a couple of days ago that said,
"One of the greatest Fatherhood books I’ve ever read is Dad in the Mirror by Patrick Morley & David Delk!"
Well let me share a bit about a man who cared for me and we’ve never ever met.
I came to the Lord at 17, but distance myself from the misunderstanding of church denominations so I stayed out of church BUT still fellowshipped with Christians and witnessed a lot in High School. I didn’t comprehend the division so my 17 year old logic after coming out of a life of UNIFIED gangs was, "If churches don’t agree then which church is write." And so as not to side with any of them I just didn’t attend church at all, BUT again, still fellowshipped with Christians outside of the four walls.
Well after some other tragic events from 17 to graduation to about 19 having my high school sweet heart who I was engaged to and she was pregnant, "real life" hit and the Bible became less then a priority as "work" became my new reality. And when I say work, I mean jobs.
Soon after back in 1997-98 my uncle, an US Army recruiter got wind of me and got me to sign up. Went into the US Army for 3 years and those became my "prodigal years" as I was always deployed away from my new wife and daughter Arielle (a miscarriage also happened where I lost my son Jeremiah in all that time). The time away all the time I let destroy my first marriage and got very angry as a young 22-23 year old man who started to drink and smoke and drive and club while doing it. Later came sex and violence and shoot outs (this is not in the gang by the way, these shootouts were on the US Army Base of Fort Polk, Louisiana).
Eventually, I got a DUI (by which I am still paying for today as I still haven’t gotten around to paying $400+ to go upstate to a main office to get because it was suspended out of my licensed state) and many speeding tickets on the way to clubs and to see women all across the lower south east states.
In 2001, I went to visit my estranged wife and my daughter for her birthday, got more drunk at a party while on leave, and next thing you know I am sober in the jail in the city she moved too. Due to the fact that I only had 3 weeks left to serve in the Army (3 months after 9/11), they left me in there and sent me my exit papers on my release date, as I was now entering the life of probation for pleading no contest to 2 counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and with no intention to kill and a domestic battery charge. That put me in AA classes and Batterer’s intervention, which were court ordered.
I failed to complete the course, got a violation of probation and went to prison for 11+ months. I rededicated my life back to the Lord, but still didn’t have any real foundational Christianity to learn in there. I got out of prison in 2005 and was given a book as a gift by my mom. It had the name of the man who would help me grow. His name was Patrick Morley. I have at least 6 of your books in the Man In the Mirror series, including the Dad in the Mirror. I found out that you sir lived here in the Orlando, Florida area. The books said Winter Park. It was been you initially that started me off in a strong Christian walk.
Many of those Man in the Mirror books came from my new wife. I now have 4 kids. My oldest just turned 18 today (Miracle 18, Arielle 17, Naomi 8, and Isaiah 7 {Jeremiah would have been 16}).
Since your books, I evangelized in this city and brought many to the Lord. Came into various smal churches and help them add a stronger evangelism component to their churches. I was a Christian rapper and lead a statewide tour called the Seed of Faith Tour through 50 cities back in 2007. I was recruited to youth pastor City of Praise Family Church. Then founded and pastored a music ministry church called MIC Assembly Hip-Hop Fellowship of Orlando for all of the Christian hip-hop artists in this area. We ended up shutting the doors because we felt the Lord calling us to start a Christian record label. We formed Dead To Flesh Records INC my partner Larry ‘Loyal’ Hume passed away at 33 a month ago from diabetes complications (he was a heavy set brother). I’ve mentored men and young men and even started a leadership development ministry called Ricardo Equips Artistic Leaders (Or R.E.A.L.), LLC after I graduated from Full Sail University with a BA in Music Business & Entrepreneurship.
Why? Because the Lord used YOU to "mentor" me through your books. I’ve been married for almost 9 years this November and have been reaching out to men and young men because of the baton you have unknowingly handed me through your books with one day in hopes of meeting you and thanking Jesus for your ministry to me. I’m getting teary-eyed typing this. Thank you Patrick Morley for helping me to grow as my first mentor, as I have had many mentors in the faith throughout my walk with God in the last 11 years in Christ. Today I am a 36 (to be 37 years old in December) black family man who is thankful, grateful, faithful, and fruitful because you have given me your convictions about Christ. Thank you!
May the LORD bless you, and keep you: may the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: may the LORD lift up His presence upon you, and give you peace, in the name of Jesus Christ WHO IS THE SAVIOR OF THE WHOLE WORLD! Amen!
Love you and Christ bless!
Ricardo
P.S. I DO care!
Ricardo… Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I hope you will come to our Friday morning Bible study sometime. It would be my honor to take you to breakfast afterwards. If interested, please contact me at Patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org. Many thanks, and God bless you and your family with every spiritual blessing.
Years ago when I was a young man searching for his identity, God provided a mentor to me. He filled in the gaps in my deficient upbringing. He modeled a Father’s love to me. He showed me how to love a wife and nurture children. He showed me how to learn from mistakes and how important repentance and humility are. He helped me to see the value and endurance of relationships, and why they are really not disposable. He taught me how to laugh at myself instead of being embarrassed. In spite of my youth, inexperience and rough edges, he walked me into Bible studies with men of influence and position as their equal. He bolstered my self esteem and self image. He flew me in his plane, included me in his family activities, shared his life with me. He brought both of my daughters into the world! He was my friend. I thank God for Don Johnston and for sending him into my life at such a crucial time. I am who I am today and do what I do today because of Don Johnston. I sure do miss him! Now it is all about being that man for others in this world that is spiraling out of control. Thanks Pat for helping to chart that course for us to follow! ~Randy Williams
Randy… A beautiful story with God getting the glory. Perfect!
Great truth, I’m a scoutmaster with about 35 boys in my troop. Some young men I keep faith by mentoring these young that by my example. These young men will grow to be men that care. Now days there is a huge lack of caring in today’s men. So much that I found myself not caring. It was a very lonesome moment in my life. Then my wife of 20 years said Baby you lead by example an your not being a good one at this moment. So get back to caring cause if you don’t who will. Caring is alot better then misery cause a person who don’t care was probably never shown how to care. Thank you God for using me as an example. Have 4 boys of my own. Keep faith by example they will be men and father’s that care. God bless