You’ve been through some stuff? Good. That means you’re useful. This is your invitation to stop making excuses and step up.
If you’re over 40 and still waiting for someone to disciple you, buckle up.
There’s a sentiment I keep hearing behind the scenes of our “spiritual fathers” conversations. It goes something like this: The problem isn’t the young men, they’re willing. They’re asking. The real problem is the older men don’t think they’re qualified to lead
And let me be honest. That might be one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever heard.
Somewhere along the way, we started acting like leadership required a spotless résumé.
Like you had to have your quiet time dialed in, your marriage perfect, your kids in line, and your theology systematized before you were allowed to open your mouth.
But that’s not biblical leadership. That’s religious posturing.
The men who changed the world in Scripture?
- Moses killed a guy.
- David stole another man’s wife.
- Peter denied Christ publicly, three times.
And still, God said: “You. Yes, you. Go lead.”
In my own conversations, I’ve noticed something. People don’t lean in when I talk about what I’ve done right. They lean in when I admit the moments I messed it up. It’s not the polished testimony that hits, it’s the honest one.
Perfect isn’t relatable. Jesus was the only one who ever got it exactly right and while that’s the ultimate goal we all know we will fall short. We lead out of our weakness, not in spite of it.
So if you’ve been through some things, good. That means you’re useful. That means you’re not going to hand some poor young guy an easy answer when what he needs is hard-won wisdom.
You might feel like you’re not ready and you might think you need more time, more healing, more clarity, more something. Or you are hiding behind the excuse that “no one mentored you”.
But here’s the truth. It’s a copout. You will never feel like you are ready, you will never be healed enough or have enough clarity. If no one has mentored you, good. Use that. Be that for someone else so that they can’t use it as their excuse. Eventually the cycle has to stop somewhere. It takes courage to do so. I get that.
Edward Rickenbacker said “Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.”
It’s one of the greatest paradoxes in the world and that’s what leadership is.
It’s not waiting for the perfect moment. It’s not waiting until the anxiety quiets down or the plan is airtight. Leading when you’re unsure. Stepping in even when you’re scared.
Because while you’re waiting to feel ready, young men are drowning.
They’re fatherless, they’re isolated, and they’re exhausted from pretending to know what they’re doing. And the worst part?
They’re looking around the church for someone to show them what spiritual maturity looks like but they’re finding a bunch of older men still waiting for permission.
They don’t need you to be perfect. They don’t need a seminary degree. They need someone who’s made the mistakes and is willing to talk about it.
Tell them about your mistakes. Tell them what you learned from them or what you would have done differently. Tell them that they are in fact going to make mistakes and that’s OK. Maybe the mistake you made will help them avoid that same mistake later. Maybe that trauma you’re still trying to heal from WI help them realize that you can still be a leader with unresolved issues. If you don’t model that, who will?
They need you. What’s more, my daughters need you. My daughters need someone to find these young men and step in where their fathers have failed, or even just given up. They need you to help these young men be the kind of husbands I would want my daughters to marry. And yes, that is a huge responsibility. God does not bestow his assignments lightly.
If you’re waiting for someone to recruit you, you’re going to be waiting a long time.
There is no draft for this.
This is a volunteer army.
So step up. Volunteer and for heaven’s sake, stop making excuses.
Not because you feel ready, but because God has already given you everything you need to start.
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations… teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”
-Matthew 28:19-20
Jesus didn’t say, “Wait until they find you.”
He said “Go”.
So go.
