Our culture is steeped in stories of revenge. Hollywood especially relishes the spectacle of a wronged man rising up in fury to exact his own brand of “justice” on those who have wronged him or his family.
To those of us marinated in this culture since infancy, forgiveness doesn’t always feel like the “manly” thing to do. We’d rather fix the problem, bury the pain, or return hurt for hurt. As satisfying as it might feel in the moment to exact “an eye for an eye,” we are called to something higher. Forgiveness is true strength. Biblical strength. It takes more guts to forgive someone who has deeply wounded you than to hold a grudge or stoically pretend it doesn’t bother you.
Don’t misunderstand: we’re not called to be spineless or soft. We’re called to be strong in the Spirit. And that means learning to forgive like the men of God we’re becoming.
The Weight We Carry
Unforgiveness is like carrying a backpack full of bricks. We can still function with it on, sure, but it slows us down, wears us out, and eventually breaks us. Jesus didn’t mince words about this. In Matthew 6:14-15, He said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
That hits hard. The call to forgive goes beyond mere recommendation. It is a command. Not because God wants us to ignore our pain, but because He knows how poisonous unforgiveness can be to our souls. We don’t have to pretend the hurt never happened. We just choose not to let it define us.
Facing the Offense Like a Man
Some of us were betrayed by a friend. Some by a father. Maybe a wife left or a brother in Christ let us down. Every time we think of it, we are flooded all over again with anger and hurt.
Whatever the situation, forgiveness starts with acknowledging the wound without letting it fester. We don’t sugarcoat what happened. We face it. We feel it. And we bring it to God.
It’s not weakness to admit someone hurt you. It’s wisdom. What we do next reveals who we are in Christ. Do we let the pain take root and become bitterness? Or do we take it to the cross and leave it with the One who forgave us first?
Forgiveness Is Not Approval
Let’s be clear: forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean we forget all about it or make excuses for sin. It means we release the one who wronged us from the debt they owe us and give up our right to extract vengeance. We hand it over to God, trusting that He will deal with justice in His own way and in his own time.
Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” Our job isn’t to punish. Our job is to let go so that we can heal and grow.
Choosing It Daily
Forgiveness is rarely a one-and-done event. Some days, the anger sneaks back in. Some mornings, we wake up still replaying the offense. That’s when we forgive again. And again. Not because the person deserves it, but because Jesus forgave us when we didn’t. Train yourself to take it to the Lord in prayer every time it comes up. He is the one working the miracle of forgiveness in your heart. Leave it with Him.
Forgiving is a daily decision. It isn’t based on how we feel, but on who we are in Christ. We’ve been forgiven much, so we forgive much.
Brother to Brother
We’ve all been hurt. And we’ve all hurt others. Sometimes we are called to forgive someone else, and other times we are the ones who have offended, the ones in need of forgiveness. The ground is level at the foot of the cross. None of us is above grace, and none of us is beyond redemption.
If you’re wrestling with forgiveness today, you don’t have to struggle through it alone. Talk to a brother. Pray about it. Get in the Word. And don’t buy the lie that you’re too tough to let go. Real men of God release the weight of offense. We fight for true freedom, releasing ourselves and others from the chains of bitterness, sin, and vengeance by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within us.
***
Want to grow as a man of God and walk the path of forgiveness with strength and purpose? At Man in the Mirror, we’re here to help. Explore practical resources, connect with other men on the journey, and find biblical tools to become the man God designed you to be. Visit our website to get started.
