Lions run with Lions
Originally posted to Substack: https://charper.substack.com/p/lions-run-with-lions
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” — Proverbs 13:20
“Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” — Khalil Gibran
According to Proverbs 13:20, who you choose to walk with is a key factor in determining how your life turns out.
Proverbs 13:20 means your mother was right, “You show me your friends— I’ll show you your future.” Or, to put it another way: “Your friends are your future you.”
And before we jump into this, I want to define ‘friend.’ Today, friend is a loosely used term, mainly because of technology. Technology has given us the illusion of friendship without any of the hard work. This is why most people do not have true friends—being a friend, a true friend, is hard work. It was George Washington who said, “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
My children will often talk about their ‘friends.’ I am quick to remind them that they do not have friends. They are not old enough to have friends. They have not lived long enough to have friends. They have not endured, suffered, shared, given, celebrated, and gone to battle with or for anyone. Not at length. Thus, they do not have friends. They have classmates. They have teammates. They have acquaintances. They can have brothers and sisters in Christ. But they do not have friends. Not yet. And that is because “true friendship is a plant of slow growth… it must undergo & withstand the shocks of adversity before it is qualified as friendship…” [Washington]
Friendship is something that takes time and effort. Which makes sense; anything worth having takes time and effort. And good friends are priceless.
“Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.” — Socrates
Top 5
Sociologists discovered long ago that men are the average of their 5 closest friends; economically, academically, professionally, socially, and spiritually, you are the sum average of your 5 closest friends.
If you went home last night and pounded a 12-pack, there is a good chance 3 or 4 of your friends did as well.
If you get a divorce, there is a good chance 3 or 4 of your friends will too.
If you hit the gym daily, eat right, and live clean, I bet 3 or 4 of your friends do the same.
If you attend church every week and regularly read God’s Word, chances are 3 or 4 of your friends are going and reading it with you.
Your friends affect everything. From your spiritual walk to your physical walk, your friends matter. Think about this:
- If your spouse gains weight, you have a 37% chance of gaining weight.
- If your siblings gain weight, you have a 40% chance of gaining weight.
- If your friends gain weight, that number jumps to almost 60%.
What your friends eat is more of an indicator of your habits than your closest family members!
We all have something we’d like to become, areas in which we want to grow… a better parent. A better student. A better employee. A more faithful Christian. What if the decision to become that person was actually a decision about the friends you chose?
It is not your dreams that determine your destiny—it is the small decisions you make every day—and one of the most important decisions is whom you choose to walk with.
The people you’re hanging out with today shape the person you’re becoming tomorrow.
Here is the good news: most of us are 1 or 2 friends away from being a better parent, a better spouse, a more faithful Christian.
But here is the bad news: we are all 1 or 2 friends away from being a worse parent. A worse husband. A useless Christian.
“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” — Plutarch
A Circle or Cage?
Some of you men reading this have a close circle of friends. It is your squad. The ride or dies in your life; We started at the bottom now we’ here, the whole team’s here…
Listen: If your circle of ‘friends’ is not making you better, you don’t have a circle. You have a cage.
You’re a prisoner—a slave. You are trapped and stuck in the foolishness of life because of your ‘friends.’
Lions run with lions—they don’t run with hyenas.
It is time for some of you to leave the zoo and get back to the Pride lands. It is time for you to be the lion God has called you to be. You need to find other lions to run with.
