I watch my son sometimes, sitting with his bag of Jolly Ranchers, munching away all afternoon without a care in the world. By dinnertime, when my wife calls out to ask if he wants gravy on his potatoes, his response is predictable: “I’m not that hungry.”
She’s been in the kitchen for hours, preparing something substantial, something that, as my Momma would say, can “fill him up.” But he’s ruined his appetite with candy. We both know what happens next. Around 8:30 PM, just before bedtime, he’s famished. It’s too late for a meal at that point.
Fellas, this is exactly what’s happening in our relationships.
The Curse of Convenience
In a recent Atlantic article called “The Anti-Social Century,” writer Derek Thompson made a statement that hit me like a ton of bricks: “Convenience has a cost.” He calls it the curse of convenience.
But I’d take it further: we aren’t just cursed by convenience. We’re being crushed by it. We’ve been pulled out of the real world into a comfort-first existence that’s slowly killing our souls.
We fill up on fake connections, scrolling through social media, watching YouTube videos, dropping comments in comment sections. Then, when somebody calls saying, “Hey, let’s connect,” it feels like a burden to even respond to that text message.
It feels inconvenient when somebody calls and expects you to actually pick up the phone.
Sound familiar?
Real Connection Requires Real Work
As men, we need to face this truth: building genuine relational connection takes work. It’s not easy. It was never meant to be.
It’s not easy to ask your manager for a raise.
It’s not easy to push through awkward conversations.
It’s not easy to ask a woman to be your girlfriend or wife.
It’s not easy to say the wrong thing and get corrected by a friend or mentor.
It’s not easy to be vulnerable when everyone around you is keeping it surface-level.
But these difficult moments are exactly where relational fitness is built. Just like you can’t develop physical strength without resistance, you can’t develop relational strength without discomfort.
Many of us don’t know how to process our emotions. Why? Because we’ve never learned how to talk to people about what’s really beneath the surface in our lives. It feels strange to see a man cry or be vulnerable because we’re so used to keeping everyone at a distance.
The Danger of Convenient Mentorship
Then there’s what I call “convenient mentorship.” Convenient mentorship is listening to podcasts and following leaders online who sound good but whose lives don’t stand up to scrutiny.
It’s easy to consume content from someone with a massive platform who’s never maintained a healthy relationship or lived with integrity. All the things critical to godly mentorship are often missing, but the content is easily accessible.
It’s easier to listen to Joe Rogan than to meet with Pastor Joe down the street.
This is why Scripture warns us:
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction” (Proverbs 14:12).
You can’t just let any voice into your mind because it’s convenient. Discernment requires effort.
Even God Isn’t Convenient
Let’s be honest. It’s inconvenient to be with God.
We want bite-sized interactions with Jesus. Go to church once a month, maybe. Read a quick devotional. Keep your distance from people around you. Keep God at arm’s length.
I’m telling you right now: it’s not going to work.
Jesus calls for us to follow him, take up our cross, and die to ourselves. None of these things are convenient. Our instincts will always lead us to take the easy path. That’s self-protection. That’s what your mind is designed to do.
But as disciples, we have to throw off the weight of convenience and walk the path of clarity and calling because that’s how we’re formed. That’s how we become who we’re called to be.
Let’s Break Free
So what’s the alternative? How do we break free from being crushed by convenience?
- Schedule intentional face-to-face time with other men, even when it feels uncomfortable
- Turn off notifications during these times of connection
- Find a local mentor you can meet with regularly, not just a podcast voice
- Create space for God that isn’t rushed or distracted
- Practice vulnerability by sharing something beneath the surface with a trusted friend
Remember, men, convenience is killing our relationships. It’s killing our walk with Jesus. And ultimately, it’s killing our ability to grow into the men God has called us to be.
Real growth, real connection, real discipleship…none of it is convenient.
But all of it is worth it.
