Conflict. Some people seem to attract it, while others go out of their way to sidestep it. But whether it’s a disagreement with a coworker, tension in our marriage, or a misunderstanding with a brother in Christ, conflict is part of everyone’s life.
As men striving to live out biblical manhood, we don’t get to dodge it. Instead, we’re called to step into it with courage, humility, and faith. Handling conflict God’s way can transform our hearts and relationships. So what does it look like to face conflict as men of God?
Conflict Isn’t the Enemy
We often treat conflict like a threat to avoid at all costs. But although it may superficially keep the peace, brushing real issues under the carpet isn’t healthy or godly. Conflict, handled with grace, can be a chance to grow, to understand each other better, and to reflect Christ. The problem isn’t conflict itself; it’s how we approach it. Too often, we let pride or fear take the wheel, and things spiral. Maybe we shut down, or worse, we lash out. But God’s Word calls us to a better way.
Take Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV): “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Jesus is clear: reconciliation comes before worship. If there’s tension between ourselves and a brother, we’re called to take the first step toward peace, even if it’s messy or humbling. That’s biblical manhood: owning our part and pursuing peace.
Start with the Heart
Before we even open our mouths in a conflict, we need to check our hearts. Are we seeking to win an argument, or are we seeking to honor God? James 1:19-20 (NIV) says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Ouch. How many times have we flipped that, jumping in with guns blazing, quick to speak, slow to listen, and easily angered? We’ve all been there.
As men, we’re wired to fix things, but conflict isn’t always about finding a quick solution. Sometimes, it requires us to listen—really listen—to the other person’s heart. Through mentoring we learn that when we slow down and hear someone out, we often find the root of the issue isn’t what we thought. Maybe that coworker’s frustration isn’t about the project but about feeling disrespected. Maybe our wife’s sharp words come from feeling unheard. Listening with humility opens the door to real resolution that will heal the relationship far better than any bandaid solution.
Take the Hard Road
Pride is a relationship killer. It makes us dig in, defend ourselves, and point fingers. It puts up walls between us and our brothers that grow higher with every clash of words. But biblical manhood calls us to take the hard road: humility. Jesus modeled this when He washed His disciples’ feet, even knowing they’d abandon Him. We’re called to do the same. That might mean admitting we’re wrong (hard, we know) or forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.
When conflict flares, ask yourself: What’s my part in this? Maybe you didn’t cause the issue, but could you have responded with more grace? Owning your piece, even if it’s small, shows strength. It’s not weakness to apologize; it’s courage. That willingness to be vulnerable can be the first salvo toward tearing down the wall that separates us. When we speak grace to one another, when we forgive, we’re freeing ourselves to live in God’s peace.
Build Bridges, Not Walls
Conflict doesn’t have to end in broken relationships. Mentorship and strong men’s ministries can help us build bridges fortified with love and faith, bridges that don’t crumble when we disagree. Find a brother you trust—a mentor, a friend in your men’s group—and talk it out. They can offer perspective, pray with you, and hold you accountable to handle things God’s way.
And when the dust settles, don’t just move on; invest in the relationship. Follow up with that coworker, have a heart-to-heart with your spouse, or grab coffee with that friend you clashed with. Conflict handled biblically doesn’t just resolve issues; it deepens bonds.
Step Up in Faith
Brothers, conflict is a chance to reflect Christ. It’s where we show the world what biblical manhood looks like: humble, bold, and rooted in love. Let’s step into it with hearts open to God’s leading, trusting He’ll use even our messiest moments for His glory. Be the man who listens, humbles himself, and builds bridges.
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